XTRO, XTRO, READ ALL ABOUT IT

Looks like P. Parsons is back in business. This glossy SF film magazine landed on our car this morning, and we didn't even reserve a copy by cutting out a coupon and spoiling the back cover.

A CORPSE FOR GIRLS

Another successful seance led us into further discussions with our astral newsagent and tobacconist, P. Parsons. We asked him which items he was selling during the festive shit, and he told us that this annual for young girls was proving very popular.

He then sent us some 10p lucky bags that were crammed full of real cigarettes, lighters, air-bomb repeaters and asbestos.

CELESTIAL NEWSAGENT

During our annual TOMTIT seance meeting on Halloween, we achieved contact with the spirit of P. Parsons, a deceased newsagent and tobacconist. He spoke to us of his celestial newsagents shop, and the many publications he sold to the dead.

One thriving magazine he mentioned was 'TOMTIT Computer', and after a great deal of screaming, he began to send us pages from a 1984 edition via a circle of printers we'd arranged within a chalk pentagram. Sadly, Unmann-Wittering aggressively broke wind before page 2 arrived, and disrupted the proceedings. Contact with Parsons was halted as a result. 

Here is a scan of the spectral printout, which has been examined by a cross section of respected ghost hunters and paranormal experts, all of whom expressed a desire that we don't waste their time any further.

What fools these mortals be !