PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC, WHITE GIRL

(((TOMTIT))) are  currently composing. A word to the wise: whatever we're doing won't be anywhere near as good as what this young woman is playing, so prepare yourself for a disappointment.

HE WILL NOT ANSWER YOU

You can ask Uri Geller about his special powers, he will be delighted to tell you all about them. You can ask him about his charity work, he will happily give you the details. You can ask him about his friendship with Michael Jackson, he will speak eloquently and sincerely on the matter. But if you ask him about his 1974 album, and what the fuck he was thinking, HE WILL NOT ANSWER YOU.

DAREDEVIL, BENT METAL

This is what we love about Marvel in the seventies: Daredevil can meet Uri Geller and, after he insults him, they can team up to fight a villain called Mind Wave together. Simple.  

THE DEVIL TIMES TWO

Millionaire playboy and explorer turned fanatical anti-Satanist Phillip St. George is back, and this time it’s not quite as personal. In the first book, St. George was seeking revenge for the horrific murder of his beautiful wife, a task that he was spectacularly successful at. This time around he’s after a New York coven led by a foxy witch lady, a woman as ruthless as she is attractive. St. George doesn’t BELIEVE in Satanism, of course, he just knows the danger its adherents pose. His sworn duty is to kill them all, and then set fire to where they live.

The most ridiculous scene in this ridiculous book is when he is captured, drugged and laid out, naked, ready for sacrifice. As the witch looks him up and down, she is so impressed by his physical beauty and, not to mince words, the enormous size of his penis, that she decides to make him her lover instead. It’s the break that our big cocked hero needs, and the coven are on borrowed time from there on in.

It seems that this second book in The Satan Sleuth series was also the last. It’s a shame, as although they’re not great literature, they are great fun, and they are perfect for train journeys that last about two hours.