10 SPARKS ALBUMS MUST BE WON!

In the olden days, they put groups like Sparks on the front of 'the junior TV Times', as well as a two page interview, a centre spread poster and a competition. Things were better then, even if the illustrator does appear to have 'de-Hitler-ized' Ron's moustache a bit. 

SLIMY BASTARD

In ‘The Slime Beast’ (1974), archaeologists visit The Wash looking for King John’s lost treasure but instead find a mucus covered outer space creature with few social skills and an insatiable appetite for human guts, brains and breasts. The monster is impervious to bullets, but hates being set on fire (who doesn’t?). A flame thrower based solution has to wait as it is half-day closing, so all of the shops are closed. Seriously. 

There are gruesome killings, gruesome sex scenes (“Don’t draw out. I want all of you, even if it means I have a baby”) and all of this takes a mere 110 pages to relate, hence the 110 word review.

SOMETHING THE COMPUTER FORGOT

You're not really alive unless you spend a small amount of time thinking about when you're going to die, and how. 

Whereas you'd like to think you might get taken out by a sniper, or sacrifice yourself saving others, it's more likely that you'll die in a hospital bed - or in the street, like a dog. A small crowd will gather, then disperse because they need to go on shopping and your lifeless body is depressing them. 

If you need cheering up about it, though, watch the above clip from 'Chosen Survivors' and be assured: whatever else happens - you won't be going out like that.

If you're intrigued by the clip, we can reveal that the film it comes from is about a group of people who are sitting out a thermo-nuclear war in a bunker two thousand feet under the ground. Unfortunately, they are sharing the subterranean space with a million pissed off vampire bats. Guy N. Smith would have been proud.

Here's a trailer.

In many ways, it's a pretty stupid film, but TOMTIT think stupid is clever. It's a coping mechanism.